#and not EVERY 1.5 WEEKS.)
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no worries if not! but perchance would we be able to get a wip wednesday?
#enjoy #🔪
#sorry for taking one million years to write this i have been in the trenches for the last two weeks#the mariana trench to be specific#for reference i moved back in w my family 1.5 weeks ago and therefore have been actively fighting for my life every single day#getting 10.2 out has unfortunately been lower on my list of priorities than i would like#so apologies for constantly pushing it back!#but considering my embarrassingly high cry count of the last 12 days i think im doing very well#asks#a cruel wednesday with you
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THUNDERWAVE 💥💥💥
#4/11 done#i’ve been doing one every day and actually been able to keep it up so if i keep doing this ill be done next week#they each take about 1-1.5 hours#my art#crochet#tapestry crochet#bg3#baldur's gate 3#fiber art#spell slot scarf
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Sometimes all of this Anglican Church of North America church politics nonsense is enough to make a girl want to throw her hands up and attend the nearby Serbian Orthodox church instead
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lads, im at the keyboard and i forgot how much i loved writing for these losers -- more news as it develops
#im in midterm and finals hell right now (curse this damnable education system that doesn't know that MID means MIDDLE#and not EVERY 1.5 WEEKS.)#but hopefully. something soon#i have a skwisgaar thing typed up right now in a lovestruck haze but i'd like to get the rest of the lads in there before posting
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man i think i’m 5 seconds away from a mental breakdown
#I’m actually running out of money now despite working 6 days a week and making 6 figures#Because I bought my acreage with my brother and factored him paying 1/3 of the expenses BUT he’s decided to be unemployed for 1.5 years#I pay the mortgage mortgage insurance utilities internet groceries#I have $800/month in student loan payments#I have to spend like $150/week on gas because my commute is 2 hrs round trip every day#I only eat one meal a day usually because I don’t have the time to grocery shop or cook usually and my brother only cooks for himself#I do all of the chores and at least 1/2 of the yard work#I have the heaviest workload of any of my coworkers (which has been acknowledged but my manager says his hands are tied#Because if he took work off of my plate he’s have to give it to someone else and there is no one else)#I’m being severely underpaid at my job ($4 under the STARTING wage for a pharmacist now despite me working there for 3 years.#But I “got the largest raise last year” lmfao#I’ve been seeing someone but he works nights and his schedule is wack and it results in me going to bed at 3am some nights#I’m also on call this week so I have to be ready to answer calls at any time past 11pm#My hair is legit pulling out in clumps and my hair is half of my personality :(#i’m about to mcfuckin lose it#Brain feels like mashed potato#Oh also I’m on my fucking period
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Whoever decided it was a good idea to bake a pie on a fucking wednesday afternoon is a goddamn clown and should be dropkicked into the sun
#🤡#it's me#god it was SO much more complicated than i thought!#i baked pie just a few weeks ago and there was no problem so i figured today would be the same but nooOoO#i can't function in a dirty kitchen so I had to do the dishes first and let my ingredients thaw as most are stuff i buy or gather on sale#and then use when i have energy or want to#but yeah i did the dishes for like an hour and a half yesterday so in my brain baking a pie would just be as easy as me going to the kitchen#and getting started! meanwhile i forgot mom cooked dinner yesterday and somehow that woman uses every goddamn pot and pan in the house when#she cooks#so i had to clean that up plus glasses and utensils and stuff we used since yesterday afternoon#anyway then i started on the actual fucking pie and i semi followed a recipe this time and it called for one and a half TEAspoons of#cinnamon but last time i baked a pie i was just going off my own brain and i used half a TABLESPOON so like. same fucking thing basically#but my brain read the recipe and was like oh that's kind of a lot. double checked yep that says tablespoons okay i mean sally hasnt led me#astray before in it goes THEN MY BRAIN READS IT RIGHT and I'm like fuck#that said 1.5 teaspoons not 1.5 tablespoons#and i had dumped it in on top of other unmixed spices so i couldnt just scoop it out#anyway i think i managed to save it maybe? drained a lot of liquid and reduced it instead and i tasted an apple and it was good though i#havent tried the reduction yet and i only added a little to the pie#AND THEN FOR SOME REASON I DECIDED TO DO A LATTICE CRUST. EVEN THOUGH I'VE ONLY EVER DONE IT ONCE BEFORE#and did i look at a guide? nope. it took forever#anyway girlie is finally in the oven and if it turns out bad I'm throwing out my oven#my post#baking#this took so much more energy than i was expecting it to#it better be fucking good!
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idk i think my bf might be developing a drinking problem and i just don’t know what to do…..
#it’s been going on for a couple of months now but he promised he would stop and he had been doing well until today….#and it’s like. on one hand i never wanted to be w an alcoholic and i told him straight so he promised it would stop#but on the other hand i can’t just abandon him#and it’s like we used to go out a lot and party but like. that was it but ever since he met this guy he just gets lost when he drinks w him#and the thing was he got like aggressive like he didn’t do anything to me and i can’t really explain it but he just wasn’t himself#and like. we talked about it a million times and it’s not like it happens every week#it’s been like 5 times since december#but 3 have been on the past month alone#and two weeks ago it got bad like he almost got into an accident#and like i’m not even physically w him anymore like we really only see each other once a week since i moved#and from the very first time it happened i told him i couldn’t be w him if it kept happening#and after that incident two weeks ago he swore it was the last time but it just happened again#by the way he and that guy get wasted it really is a miracle they get home alive#and like. idk what to do#i really don’t want to be w someone like this#and i hate feeling like this like if i were to think only about myself i don’t want this i hate feeling like this#but i also can’t abandon him#like not even bc i would miss him or whatever i just wouldn’t feel good leaving him alone#but like i don’t want to live like this#maybe i’ll ask for some time to just figure things out#but it’s gonna suck so bad bc we were supposed to see kendrick lamar next week and then we already had plans for his bday and omfg#i don’t wanna leave but i don’t want things to be like this either#and i asked him to stop and gave him multiple chances but idk#i just don’t know what to do#i love him endlessly but i need to put myself first but i can’t abandon him:(#and our 1.5 anniversary was also next week…..#but i think time is the sanest and safest thing right now
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My downfall with not-too-serious deadlines: I’m not submitting it on the day of, and most definitely not ahead of schedule. Because oh !! no no no ! ! My brain knows the secret third option of ”very first thing next morning”
#like it won’t matter if I send this in today at 10pm or tmrw at 9am#bc they wouldn’t be going over it today anymore#and with that I bought extra 12hours#bc guess if I always procrastinate so that the extra 12h are crucial and the most productive#’’but why don’t u just set a deadline for urself earlier?’’ bc my brain KNOWS it’s a fake deadline and won’t do its hyperfocus mode#(everything I do is hella stressful bc of this but my brain loves to concentrate in the last possible moment and not one minute earlier)#(it’s 7pm and I’m settling in to get this thing done I had 1.5 weeks to do yay)#(the deadline is yes today; I’m aiming at the 9am tmrw)#been thinking that it could be a perfectionism thing: super anxious abt making it The Best Ever so I’m too overwhelmed to start but now whe#I just need to get it done (bc it’s already too late) I can actually just do it#and you’d think that if I know the problem I could not do the same thing every time but alas#studyblr#uni studyblr#february 2024#2024
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Sundays are for clipping your nails.
Every day they grow. And the moment they reach beyond the one millimetre I can handle, I start picking and pulling them with my fingers and teeth.
So Sundays are for clipping your nails.
#nail biting#nails#toenails grow slower so they only need attention every two weeks but I need to cut my fingernails every week or they frustrate me so much#sometimes I forget and then I'll do it halfway through the week and do them again 1.5 weeks later on Sunday again#I just find it easy to do it on a regular basis#I don't know how people live with long nails#a story every day#4 august#2024
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one day. one day i will finish the courtney time travel au.
#ive been working on it since july 2022#and im only like 40% of the way done#i know its much longer than anything ive attempted to write before but the progress is so slow its a little frustrating#i just gotta keep chipping at it#i try to write fics for at least 5 minutes every day and for the last few weeks ive been adding to the current time travel chapter im#working on but im usually only able to do 5 minutes a day because i have so much homework on top of work and a really time consuming projec#but slippery slopes is a huge motivator because that took like 1.5 years to write but i still did it and im really proud of it#and i should really focus on writing the last three chapters of amicus curiae...#ANYWAY
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man i can’t stop thinking abt the fact that i haven’t seen my INSANE gay ass situationship/close friend/crush/SPOUSAL FIGURE(?????. just trust me on this one) etc for 1.5 weeks and in that span of time i’ve managed to try weed party hard AND. well. Ok tags for this one
#hook up with a jewish gay tboy IN david’s bathroom.#<- which like. God there’s so much more context you need to understand what that means but genuinely i’m insane basically#anyway obvi i don’t regret it at ALL etc lmfao but just. Good God smth to think abt. Personally#<- LIKE i wasn’t thinking abt the whole. Deal while we were hooking up of course but now afterwards i’m like Wow that spells Zain ur insane#and also very much into redacted (situationship not hookup) very much like detrimentally maybe#anyway.#.txt#it wasn’t just the 1.5 weeks part btw i’m not that insane it was more like 1.5 weeks where i went out (to small parties/substance affairs)#like every few days with my friends is the thing#sorry this isn’t even a post for peach it’s a post for my PERSONAL DIARY. but i’m sleep deprived and possibly hungover rn so fuck it we ball#crushposting
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My body is doing some FUNKY things on this new birth control and I don’t think I appreciate it
#like i got the arm implant thing mid December and it was all fine and dandy#but the last two-three weeks have been rough#like I was spotting for 1.5 weeks#I cry so much (I mean I’m also grieving so this one isn’t just the birth control I guess)#but the worst thing is the stomach problems I’ve been having for two weeks#like this is tmi but every other meal/drink that’s not water I have to run to the bathroom like 10 minutes after#I also have an ovarian cyst I was supposed to go get ultra-sounded in December but forgot to make the appointment#and my brain is like “oh you’re dying actually. it’s not a cyst and this is your body dying#which does not help my anxiety#I’m really going through it guys#send help#and pepto
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i am going to spend all day thinking about Texas-Jerusalem Crossroads again i guess
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big pharma antidepressant marketing goes crazy the amount of times I see people on here happily accepting MONTHS of feeling ill every day on a drug bc ‘your body will get used to it one day’ like girl YOU ARE PAYING THEY WANT YOU TO GIVE THE DRUG MORE TIME BC YOU ARE PAYING 😭😭
#like I say this as someone who’s been on.. 3?4? diff ssris ?#like I have very complex but mostly negative feelings abt medication but it can serve a purpose as a tool / crutch in difficult times#it cannot be and will never work as a sole solution#and the expectation that one day the perfect med will turn up (that you’ll then be paying for for life !!) is fake babes !!!#the only treatment to chronic mental health is therapy and working on yourself sadly#the chemical imbalance Bs is a myth 😭😭😭#<- sorry that’s def a perspective from me w depression anxiety ptsd mild psychosis and ocd like#maybe some conditions can be more medication dependent#but then antipsychotics literally are so bad for your body Idek man I think we should question more of these assumptions#it’s not like the mentally I’ll get a voice in any of these prescriptions of what’s ‘best for us’#like not to sound foucauldian but it was not the institutionalised who’s voices where being heard when deciding how to treat them !#the entire industry is corrupt 😭#electro convulsive therapy still happens in hospitals to this day ! it’s still a treatment !!#(my perspective comes as someone fortunate enough to have had several courses of cbt and psychotherapy for FREE. I understand that therapy#is more expensive than meds for many people. exploitative dehumanising evil industry)#oh and the biggest irony of this whole circus is that#of course if you’re unwell every day with side effects from medication you won’t be thriving mentally#and guess what that means !! more money to line more pharma company pockets buying more pills !!#like my side affects from going off ssris the last 1.5 weeks had made me feel HORRIBLE#luckily I have the knowledge and awareness to identity that those are THE MEDS#that is not my brain making me sick (I don’t need more meds)
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happy Yellowjackets day everyone!!!!! T minus like 12 hours until I can watch the episode
#can they cancel my job. this is like a snow day to me (happens every week for the next 1.5 months)#j rambles
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finished all of leverage and leverage redemption 🥰
#leverage#its been the show i watch to get me through 1.5 hours of being at the gym every week#the fuck am i gonna watch now#also why is it so difficult to find dvds
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